I Am, Therefore I Watch

I watch TV.

I have watched every episode of Seinfeld, The Office, King of Queens, and Survivor.

I think I watch all of those shows, because my personality is so engrained in the characters. Someone once said I was like Jerry Seinfeld. I told him I wasn’t Jewish, or a professional comedian. I think he meant it more along the lines of I’m the glue that holds a group of friends together. I said thank you to him. I watch the Office because I am just as awesome as Jim/Dwight/Creed/Andy but not Stanley or Bob Vance. One day though. One day.

I watch King of Queens because I am much like the father (Jerry Stiller). I live in a sectioned-off part of the house, and I have arthritis. And I watch Survivor because I am like everyone who has ever won the show. I am a winner. Plain and simple. And I can go a month without shaving.